* Warning: This will be a non-photo-including Post! *

I am in a long-distance relationship.

If you thought love was difficult, try doing it in remote control over the span of thousands of kilometeres..

My girlfriend.. She's pretty, she is funny, she is smart, she is a person for whom I'm willing to withstand all the strains and tension related with a long-distance relationship.

We have problems. Those problems has to do with trust. I plead guilty to being the cause of the mistrust issues. Yet we together decided to look past that, and rebuild the trust, and make it work between us.

My fear of losing her causes me to "walk on eggshells" when we speak. A loop of mistrust and suspicion is created when I don't stay consistent with my answers, when all I'm guilty of is trying to make her happy. She feels unsafe when she cannot really know what I am doing and feeling unsure as to my truthfulness.

She asks me why do I want to keep going, when it's so hard.. that it's not supposed to be that hard in love. To tell the truth my experience in love and relationships generally is pretty poor. However, I know (not believe, know) that we can be great as a couple. And I love her, and she loves me. So any obstacle, any bump, pothole, roadkill or any other metaphorical or non metaphorical blockage in our way to being together is just temporary to me.

I ask her to trust me, and understandably, she finds it very difficult. Especially with me failing to be constant with what I say, changing my mind about things, being forgetfull. These are all sympthoms of difficulty. Girls cry when its difficult, Men (or me at least) manifest it in other ways, and not necessarily better ones.

Do you know how it is when you're on a test, and than the tester lift his head from the table and says: "You have 10 minutes left. No exceptions!"?

And you look at your test sheets and realize that you only got through (maybe) half of it? what happens? You start to panic..

And that's what happens to me when distrust appears. I feel guilty (even though I'm not) and scramble to come up with an answer.. and when the answer is not satisfying, I change it, which immediately aggrevates things.. planting me that much deeper in the s**t hole.

Thing is, I do love her. And she asked me once why do I tell it to her so often. The reason is that like a champagne glass tower, my love  to her overflows, and when it does, I have to move some of it towards her. Both to let her know and remind her, and also to make room for more love.

Baby, I love you.