Childhood


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Childhood
07.13.05 (12:34 am)   [edit]
Boy oh Boy

I've been to a memorial for my brother the other day..

And they shown some slides from our childhood.

These, from all the slides and home movies shown that evening, made me tear up the most.

These are the most vivid memories I have of him.

I keep thinking "what if"? He should have been here to see me buy my car, and maybe pass judgement.. (I probably would have disregarded it, me being pig headed and all)

He should have been here to play with our nephew which he loved/loves so much..

He should have been here to take all this grief away. So much grief I never could have imagine exists.

It's like someone made a deliberate decision to take someone so inherently good, and affect so many lives.

I must admit, I had good times with him as a child, and also bad times. He's not a bit less stuborn than I am. Maybe it runs in the family..

And being the youngest brother, I know I wasnt nice to him too much than. I know regretting it now doesnt do much of anything.

I keep thinking, What if..
 


posted by: surrogate (reply)
post date: 07.13.05 (1:06 am)

sorry about your loss... geez, awful.



posted by: jess (reply)
post date: 07.13.05 (3:01 am)

Hi Oren,
i am still thinking of you and your family. Sorry i haven't written back, my email is down, i just wanted to let you know that. The Blog you made for Tsiki is so beautiful, as was he...
i will write to you soon
take care



posted by: onebadjen (reply)
post date: 07.13.05 (4:05 am)

i share alot of those feelings.. especially those of the "what if" my brother were here for my kid and my sister's kids.



posted by: celestial blue (reply)
post date: 07.13.05 (5:09 am)

I played the What If game a lot after my best friend Shane was killed by a drunk driver. He had called me up to go out with him that night but I decided to hang out with someone else instead, so he went out with another friend and was struck and killed. What if I had gone out with him that night? He never would have been in that place at that time, because I would have taken him elsewhere. He would still be alive now. Instead I decided to visit another friend and watch X-Files, and he got a lift home with someone else.



posted by: GoddessOfSouls (reply)
post date: 07.13.05 (8:24 am)

Iam sorry to read of your loss, its never easy to loose someone you love, being a stubborn person you will read all sorts of posts to this iam sure and none will change what your feeling inside..We can all tell you how sorry we are, and some can speak of the better place, or Gods Will, or Fate, or whatever belief they have to offer in the hopes of giving you some comfort for your grief....BUT until someone comes along with a belief that makes sense to you, your grief will continue until only the sands of time itself wash it away. regrets are for the past, you can't change whats past only whats ahead of you.. Hold him warm in your heart, speak what you need him to know out loud and believe he hears you and he will... love for him those he isn't here to love and care for.. you will find the changes in yourself astonishing, it will allow you to find places and pieces of yourself you didnt know existed, and finally a true connection will build ...*hugs*

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