Death, Dreams & Memories


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Death, Dreams & Memories
02.03.08 (2:22 am)   [edit]
Grim Reaper
Yes, I am aware that my posts are depressed to down right boring. I'll snap out of it soon.
I got reminded of my brother as death, and him, came into conversation last night.
A friend told me (or reminded me, as I dont recall him telling me about it before) that he dreamt about my brother a couple of days after my brother was killed.
In his dream, my brother came to make peace with him (they were not in talking terms for some reasons).
For some reason this new year beginning, aside from the joys and changes it brings, (which I am happy about very much) it also brings back memories, thoughts and inner and outer discussions for me, about my late brother.
I've been told I'm not allowing myself to let go. To that I said "why should I? and why would I want to?"
Moving on is not an option for me. I want to remember more, not less.
Every memory that fades is another piece missing.
Even when memories gets fuzzy I feel a loss and pain and emptyness.
I try and hide my pain, sometimes even without conscious thought. Sharing it with others doesnt give me much release. And I'm always worried about making the other experience my pain. I feel they cannot stand it, contain it.
 

posted by: mimi (reply)
post date: 02.03.08 (7:42 am)

i just wanted to say i am sorry for your loss...i too, lost my brother when he and i were very young. he was 20 and i was 18...it is not something you move away from and hold on to your memories for that is all you will have...i have always said that you don't get over it, you just get used to it...i wish you love.


posted by: gw3n (reply)
post date: 02.04.08 (1:21 am)

I will be with you, every step you take.

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